There once was a time in my life, not too long ago, that I stared out this same window praying with my whole soul to be blessed with the opportunity to continue living in this house. The view has changed dramatically in the past 6 years. Today, I stared out the same window, praying once again with my whole soul for a completely different answer. All I beg for now is to rid this family of the burden this home is weighing on us.
I once again find myself learning to trust. The meaning of this word has never fit into my vocabulary very well. I wish I could blame it on something from my childhood. Maybe in a few years I will go to therapy and discover what deep seeded issue I have with trusting people but for now all I need to know is trusting is hard. I am always searching for a reason not to trust someone.
So when people tell me to trust in the Lord’s timing I think to myself, sure no problem, I have enough faith for that, but something happens. I tell myself I can trust in the Lord’s timing but still make plans of my own. I take charge of the situation. I connect the dots and devise a well thought out plan for the situation. My mind churns until I solve the puzzle perfectly.
Is this trusting in the Lord? One could argue it is because we are taught that we need to do all we can, working in faith towards an end goal, relying on the Lord to connect the dots. On the flip side. One could argue it isn’t trusting the Lord. How can the Lord provide a way and speak to our mind if our minds are always filled with constant riddles solving the puzzle. While, yes we need to do the work towards our goal relying in faith. We also need to keep our mind and ears open to answers we may not be thinking of. Maybe the puzzle needs to be solved by someone other than ourselves.
Imagine you are walking in the mountains with a city destination on a path you have never taken before. What would you do? Most likely you would grab a map and follow the instructions trusting the map to show you the way. At the beginning of the trail you can’t see the city light that lay ahead but you still take the first step towards the end goal. Why? Because the map says that if you start at this spot and follow this trail you will get to the city you are looking for.
The Lord knows your end destination. He knows your heart. Your deepest thoughts and desires. So next time there is a fork in the road and a mountain in front of you blocking your view of the final destination ask in faith knowing he will lead the way to the destination your heart truly wants to take you. Be still and listen.