I don’t know if I can handle the emotions that are flowing through me. Since I started working again my feelings are on fire. I am so aware of them and I am struggling to understand them.
As I sit in a meeting today I balled. I struggled to understand the emotions and where they are coming from.
I could feel the Savior’s love and comfort and it was almost as if he was saying, “Let it go, let it all out. I have this!” And then I get scared. He is asking so much of me or I feel like he is asking so much of me. Is he really? Some of the things that he is asking me to do are so different from what I would choose for myself. Can I continue in faith? Am I strong enough to change and push through this? What if I give up? What if I fail? What then? Will I loose his trust?
While all these emotions are racing through me I realize that everything that is overwhelming me at the moment are things that I asked for. I have been blessed with all the opportunities that I begged for. But I am failing. I am searching for every excuse to give up, to quit, to move on to something else. This must be what breaking under pressure feels like. I am not going to let this break me. I know that I asked for these things and I know it will take some changing on my part, but I am going to take a deep breathe, square my shoulders and do what I was asked to do! I will remain focused, consistent and patient. If I am doing the WORK of what I was asked to do all I need to do is BELIEVE and everything else will fall into place.